Sustaining healthy relationships

By Terese Tse

If God has shown that you are now involved in a wrong relationship, don’t go around asking your friends what you should do. You don’t need to go to your pastor to ask him. You don’t even need to pray and ask God to give you “wisdom” to know what you should do. You just need to obey God and break the relationship right away! Do not procrastinate.

It is better to break a relationship or an engagement with the wrong person than to head to a disaster and tragedy in marriage. Give all the unhealthy relationships marching orders this year before it breaks your heart. It doesn’t matter how long you have known each other or how many people know about your relationship.

People have changed their jobs, businesses, careers, courses, places of residence and entire lifestyle just because someone said,”I love you”. These words are so powerful that they could even jeopardize your career, finances, business and future, if you act on them without thinking. It may end up hurting you.

According to Ecclesiastes 4:9, it is a blessing when right people are in a romantic relationship. In fact, there is nothing as beautiful and totally satisfying as true love. It is always fresh and new and it is love which never fades. Therefore, partners should be willing to share their love to each other and no one else. Partners should be willing to devote their heart and mind to each other. Anything less is no love. It may be infatuation or lust therefore, shouldn’t be misunderstood for love. It may even be a temporal arrangement to satisfy some emotional cravings but is not love.

Relationship is not meant to be a hurtful experience. God’s design for love or relationship was not to make the partners miserable but to be a beautiful experience, it is human race that oftentimes turn this design to a complex subject with many questions and few easy answers.

One of the deepest needs of every person is the need to be loved by someone who is important to them. We spend considerable time day dreaming about getting a good relationship that will end up in a happy marriage but most of the times, we fail to take the right steps that will enable us to actualize such dreams. We want to have a decent relationship with the opposite sex but we don’t want anybody to really know us. We only want to share the sanitized stories of our lives — just the high points but that removes the drama of a serious relationship  that we are yearning for, the authenticity, and the power to generate a warm feeling among us. Many have formed their relationships on shallow foundations, wrong priorities and judgements. Most of the times, people judge relationships by other considerations other than love, the content of character is often underestimated, they judge by things that can keep them far from ever having a beautiful marriage and a happy home.

Do not allow yourself to be enticed into a relationship by the use of smooth words or physical looks of someone who is interested in you. Search for a beautiful heart, not necessarily a beautiful face. Beautiful people are not always good but good people are always beautiful. Do not just go into a relationship because of comfort and financial security. Do not sacrifice the long-term benefits of a good relationship for the short term thrills. You shouldn’t give into a fellow against your better judgement, you may end up losing both your self esteem and the acclaimed lover. Your partner should love you for who you are and not necessarily what they want you to be or do. A man who cannot love you for who you are unless he explores your underwear or gets into your pants is unworthy of your companionship. He is a thief trying to enjoy what does not belong to him. A relationship that is sustained through force, sex, material possessions, financial seduction, coercion, manipulation or threat is an unhealthy relationship and will never survive the test of time.

A healthy relationship is like a fire, which needs to be continuously attended to, fueled by care, attention, affection, understanding, forgiveness, appreciation and nurtured by trust.

Sexual desire is not evidence of a good relationship. A good relationship that can lead to marriage is unselfish. It desires what is best for the other person and it is willing to wait and sacrifice. A true relationship is kind, sweet and unhurt. You need to like each other as well as love each other.

It is based more on commitment than feeling. If you want a good relationship, look for a life partner, not a sex partner. The mistake many people make is being with wrong companions.  Be a blessing to someone instead of bemoaning your situation and getting upset over it. Maintain your dignity and keep your integrity intact; keep your good name no matter what it takes. Life is too short to be sad and depressed.

God that made you, made you a noble being. You are completely good and have good traits that if one tries hard enough, one will see them. Never silence your conscience and mortgage your happiness. Remember that your productivity in life is a function of your emotional state. The happier you are, the more productive you are at work, school or business. Some persons hold on to an unhealthy relationship because of financial security, business opportunity, social prestige, career possibilities or sexual pleasure. They practically become slaves who have no minds of their own, who lives at the mercy of their partners. They let people play games with their hearts and snap at them at the slightest provocation. They do almost everything to keep the relationship alive. Your beauty, money, sexuality, spiritual depth, fame and social success cannot become a license for someone to stay with you. The moment you start doubting whether he loves you, that is the moment you should quit.

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